I know I haven t posted in a while, so here is a new one, Ill try updating every day since I am writing, just not posting 😀
After all the fights, conflicts, and stress I have experienced I sometimes wonder why I haven’t just given up.
Then I look back on my life, and I realize that if I can make it through all that shit, then I sure as hell can do amazing in life, and to that I raise my cup
Through the struggles of my problems of OCD, ADHD and extreme anxiety being ignored almost until I was 8, letting the problems fester and grow inside me
To moving to a new school, where I was viciously bullied for the entire year, people begging me to say something but I told them to leave me be
To going through middle school, trying to fit in with people as the OCD, ADHD and Anxiety wear me down mentally as kids harassed me because I didn’t know I had a problem, and I was different because of what those diseases made me do.
“Weird, strange, faggot, dick”
I look back in disgust at so many of my actions from when I was younger, but thats the point of childhood right? To learn from our mistakes or at least get a fucking clue
Even in high school I’m still learning things that I should have learned at a much younger age, and I am still hearing names that make me feel worse and worse every day about myself
But for some reason, I don’t wake up depressed, I put all the negative thoughts on the shelf
I wake up and laugh at everything I have gone through, everything I have done, because I know that I haven’t even come close to peaking yet
So when I see those kids, enjoying high school and having the time of their lives while I walk through the shit I go through everyday, I know that I’m set.
I went through hell, I go through hell everyday in my own mind as I suffer from the diseases that for some reason, I was cursed with.
I don’t ask for much, I ask to express myself so people can understand the pain I go through everyday. I ask for someone who can say “I understand” to me, to let me cry on their shoulder
Until that day comes, I have to fight a war all by myself, and not just my war, but I have this need to help people with their own.
I have strained myself fighting my own battle, but now I’m helping so many others, its like I can practically hear the cracks in my head as the stress breaks through
My family life was hell, I don’t even talk about it anymore because it just makes me feel so much pain in my heart
But for some fucking reason
I will never surrender.
I will continue to not only help others, I will win this fight against the diseases in my mind, so that one day when someone like me comes along
and they ask me that question I asked so many others
“Do you understand?”
I can look at them, give them a hug and say the words
“Yes I do”